Thursday, January 3, 2002
Feed My Sheep
John 21:15-19
Brent was a non-traditional student and commuted daily to classes.
He spoke often of many exciting life experiences, yet he was
desperately searching for something to give more purpose and
meaning to his life. Brent had long questioned the relevance
of faith and religion in his life. He explored a number of spiritual
traditions, looking for ways to satisfy the emptiness. Brent
was friendly and worked hard at being a regular guy.
Brent would never look you in the eye for any long period of
time. Perhaps he feared eyes of judgment staring back at him
or signs of rejection. Would he sense in the eyes of others the
desire to avoid him or maybe a hurried look with no time to spare?
It's not so easy to enter the story of another person. We fear
even more the possibility of sharing in another's pain. You could
sense that Brent was a very compassionate person. Brent searched
desperately for what he extended to others so generously - unconditional
caring and affirmation.
One day he approached me wanting to talk about another friend,
Eric. Eric had been a star athlete before suffering a career
ending injury. Eric spent day and night brooding over a long-
dreamed-of sports career. "Eric greets his family and friends
with so much anger and resentment," said Brent. "Will
you talk with him?"
A few days later I visited Eric. Imagine an ache so deep that
words of comfort do not seem to touch: such was Eric's anguish.
He lashed out at everyone, while desperately seeking God's gentle
touch. Eric yelled about giving up on life but he determinedly
struggled to hold onto life. As we talked, he had many questions.
Rev., where do you go when your lights are put out? Where do
you go when your hoped-for future will never come to be? When
it gets dark, where do you turn? Eric knew darkness of the soul
and of the spirit.
We all are acquainted with moments of loneliness and darkness.
Probably it is not the result of a tragedy like Eric faced, or
the deep insecurities faced by Brent. What do you do when it
gets dark? The darkness does not necessarily mean the end. My
father often said, "Mary, when you feel you have reached
the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." Thanks, Dad.
God has given each of us a reservoir of inner peace and strength
upon which to feed. God gives us what is needed to press through
the night until day breaks upon the horizon. God becomes for
us an oasis in the desert, a wellspring of hope for thirsty and
parched souls. Amid disappointments and challenges of all kinds,
God's grace is sufficient for all things.
Prayer:
O Lord, you have searched me and known me.
Where can I go from your spirit?
Or where can I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, are you there;
If I made my bed in Sheol, you are there.
If I take the wings of the morning and
settle at the farthest limits of the sea.
even there you hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me fast. Amen.
Mary Council-Austin
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